Steel and Velvet

A reporter was interviewing the old Indian Chief on his 100^th birthday. The reporter stated, “Chief – you have observed the white man for a century. You have seen his accomplishments, his tragedies, his wars, his technology. Chief, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief sat back and after a moment’s thought said, “When white man come to our land, Indians run everything. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Plenty clean water. Medicine man is free. Women do all the work. Men hunt and fish all day, make love all night. And white man so stupid he think he can improve on system like that!”

We laugh at the sexist attitude of the Chief but, sexist as it was, this family structure was what held the culture together for centuries. In fact, for all of human history, the family structure predominated. The father’s role was clearly defined. He was at the center of family life. He was the head, the primary caregiver, breadwinner, protector, moral educator and law-enforcer.

Today, assuming the father is even present, you would be hard-pressed to find many who fulfilled even two or three of those responsibilities. Many modern fathers have relinquished their duties and abdicated their God-given role as the loving head of his house. Today many boys grow up not knowing what role to fulfill, if any.

The only solution is to get back to the wisdom of the Bible.

An excellent definition of godly masculinity is summed up in the way Carl Sandburg described Abraham Lincoln – as a man of STEEL and VELVET. The 16^th president was a powerful and persuasive speaker, a man of valor and strength. He was a mighty man of war who faced down forces of evil and preserved the union of the American nation.

And yet, Lincoln was a man of peace. He was merciful, kind, gentle, thoughtful, friendly, patient and humble. He was neither feminine nor domineering. He was a real man – a man of STEEL and VELVET.

I am sorry to say this – but female is the new male. Girls dominate boys in education, from elementary through graduate school. Hundreds of formerly male-dominated careers are becoming feminized. More and more wives outearn their husbands. Fathers are fading away inside their own families, and rising illegitimate births and single parenthood are pushing them out of the child-rearing picture altogether.

Many boys and men are passively watching it happen. Many of them, rather than working to stay ahead of or even keep up with women, are responding by waging something of a sit-down strike. They’re playing video games more than 3 times as much as girls. They’re living with their parents at double the rate of their female peers. They’re dropping out of the labor force in record numbers.

The result is effectively a reversal of a male-female dynamic that has existed for virtually all of human history.

Feminists may celebrate, but more and more people are recognizing that this trend has come with some steep costs we’re only starting to see. Even women are frustrated with today’s breed of spindless, ambitionless manboys. There is a genuine problem here.

Women’s ambition is soaring. Women are pursuing higher education in far greater numbers than men. They’re remaining aloof from serious relationships so as not to derail their career aspirations. Research shows young women expect higher earnings and better professional advancement than young men do.

Not long ago, men had an ample supply of that “hunger”. Today it is increasingly absent. It’s as if the fire in their bellies has been quenched, on a massive scale. Or, perhaps more accurately, it has relocated – into the bosom of women.

What are many men doing? Nearly 6 in 10 of them – among 18 to 24 year old males – live with their parents. Even among 25 to 34 year olds, it’s still almost 2 in 10.

Lest you think this is simply a sign of today’s troubled economy, consider: Those figures are almost double the rate among women the same age.

And many young men must still be supported by their parents. It’s becoming Social Security, flipped upside down, with older workers supporting younger “retirees”.

Certainly lack of job availability is a factor. But many young men seem content with – or perhaps complacent about – their dependency. They’ve grown up in a world that praises them indiscriminately and teaches them never to judge. As a result, these “failures to launch” actually have ample self-esteem, and they’re confident that success will come to them (although they’re not necessarily motivated to chase it down). They feel plenty good about themselves, living in Mom’s basement.

Then there is the marriage dream vs. the single reality. For young people the idea of marriage still holds considerable charm. Polls show that more than 80% of high-school seniors expect to get married.

Some people may consider their thinking archaic, a byproduct of sexist socialization. Nevertheless, two truths remain. First, despite the fact that the male breadwinner model is actually seldom taught anymore – if anything, alternative ideas are far more aggressively promoted – remnants of it remain ingrained in the minds of both men and women. And second, wherever this thinking comes from, it is increasingly at odds with reality.

You can see that something has to give. Every year in America, 170,000 more women than men get bachelor’s degrees. And while the average man still earns 10% more than the average woman, guess what? Among 20-somethings, women now have the edge in the wage gap. Older men who hold the advantage in education and earning power are a dying breed!

The question is on the lips of women everywhere: “What’s wrong with all these guys?”

Sure, they’d love to marry if the right man showed up. Yet in their view – frustrating as it may be that Mr. Right isn’t around – marriage is, ultimately, unnecessary. “I can take care of myself; I don’t need a man to support me,” the thinking goes. “He’d just be another person to take care of – another mouth to feed.”

This is not describing a minor irritant, nor a disappointment that a few women share. This is chronicling the collapse of a whole social order!

Historically, what largely drove men’s march through the milestones to adulthood was the expectation that they would fulfill the role of provider. A man who is serious about the responsibility of supporting a family approaches life with a special focus. He looks for a job or profession that will provide financial stability. He pursues his education with that in mind. For generations, this commonly recognized duty propelled men into the workforce; it often served as a prod to men’s ambition and did much to shape society. Even today it remains a strong motivation to any young man who accepts it.

However, for two generations now, esteem for this role has been fading – to the point where today it is often ignored, if not treated with contempt. Rising standards of living have grown more difficult to sustain on a single paycheck. Two-income families are the norm.

And though young people still say they want to marry, widespread acceptance of premarital sex definitely removes their urgency to do so. This encourages men to brush breadwinning aside and removes the pressure on them to grow up.

And then there is the influence of feminism. The movement for women’s “equality” has created a remarkable spinoff development – men watching it happen have gotten the clear message that they’re not needed! In areas where they compete, women’s success tends to discourage men.

This effect is apparent throughout the workforce. As women enter a profession, men lose interest in it. Women’s options for employment keep expanding as men surrender them.

What to do? No one suggests that the solution is for women to underachieve so men don’t feel threatened. Men’s self-destructive tendency to retreat under female pressure has synchronized with a powerful fact eroding the male breadwinner model: the advent of modern time wasters tailor-made to suck the life out of the male mind.

Free of family responsibilities, and entertained by an array of media devoted to his every pleasure, the single young man can live in pig heaven – and often does.

Too many TV sitcoms and commercials portray men as weaker and complacent. Psychologists contend that these media influences are actually rewiring men’s brains.

Feminists tend to applaud the breakdown of “all the old ways” of male-female relations. But look what has taken their place: academically and financially thriving women with no one to marry, and juvenile men huddling in caves of self-indulgence. Is this what feminist want?

Modern society has smashed the ideals it once held about what makes a man. We are raising generations of boys who have no idea how to become men.

STEEL and VELVET! One man fulfilled that description far better: Jesus Christ. Together with STEEL-like traits of vibrant health, intelligence, decisive leadership, righteous indignation and powerful persuasiveness, Jesus also exhibited many velvet qualities.

Above all, He was humble. Publicans and Pharisees criticized Him for spending time with sinners, but He know that the sick are the ones who need the physician (Luke 5:31-32). He humbly washed His disciple’s feet (John 13:13).

No matter how busy He was, Jesus always seemed to make time for the disadvantaged. Compassion for others even caused Christ to weep on occasion. The gentleness of Jesus is reflected in how He treated children. Forgiveness of others is a prominent characteristic of Christ. VELVET!!

All this about Jesus might sound hopelessly ideal. But you must understand that it is the only REAL solution to what is happening to our society. The problem with our boys and men will never improve until we put God back at the center of family life.

Yes – men of STEEL and VELVET together are what God has in mind!